My world
by Kaisha
Summary: This is kind of a angsty alternative to my previous story, running. It's worth reading! Enjoy!!!!


### This story was dared to me. So the beginning is the same as the other one, but with a different twist! I hope you enjoy it. Please tell me which one you enjoyed more. -Kaisha

### 

#### **My World**

The alternative story to running

### By Kaisha

[Kaisha_13@yahoo.com][1]

### A Second

## "In a second

Love can turn into hate,

Life will become death,

Our dreams can be destroyed,

But remember in one second,

We can be saved."

– By **Kaisha (3 13 23)**

(A little inspiration)

I ran with all my strength upon hearing she was there. The dying embers of the sun attested the lateness of the hour and the wild wind showed its breath.Still, I ran. I ran faster than I ever have in my life. I ran to hide from my demons.To hide from those memories that threatened to thoroughly destroy me. I stopped right at the end of the forest, just before the cliff, hidden in the shrubs. She was there, standing at the edge of the cliff looking out in to the world. It was as if she was trying to discover its secrets.

"It's not worth it!" I wanted to scream at her. There was nothing great out there. Don't make the same mistakes I did. I left this wonderful, miraculous place for a glimpse of the world. A chance to compare my strengths with others and be the best, but instead I lost everything. Everything.

You'd be surprised on how many beatings your pride will endure, before you'll give up. NO matter how many times you'll sacrifice your pride for things such as love, honor and friendship, the only thing that will return is the pain. I wanted to die. I tried so many times, in so many different ways. They all failed; such cruelty was resulted to the gods. I challenged so many people, winning … Till one beat me. This man with the blood of so many men, women and children on his hands, like my hands, can somehow forgive himself and continue living. This man, who chooses to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. This man, who chooses to never kill again. It is puzzling, the way he thinks that by protecting everyone, he could justify the deaths of those he callously murdered. He taught me many things, but most of all, how to live each day with a purpose.

I spent many nights thinking, contemplating, wanting to go to you, but I couldn't. I thought, I wasn't worthy. My dear sweet Misao, I beg you, don't go out there, for you might become like me. A man who walks the earth with no heart, no soul and no life…

I see you now standing there, your face upturned to the sky as if you were praying. Praying for what? Are you praying that in this adventure, you'll find the answers to your questions? I tell you the answers are not out there, they are in your arms, in my arms, and in the arms of those we love.

I can see the tears falling from your face. I wanted to stop them, I wanted to run to you, hold you in my arms and kiss your lips. But, I can't; I can't, because I know, that if I did I wouldn't stop with one kiss. That, if I hold you in my arms, I will never ever let you go.

You turn around realizing someone's behind you and as if you hear my bittersweet thoughts, you ran towards me. You ran almost as hard as I did, instinctively knowing where to go. You ran towards me and I began to feel hope rise within me. Each footstep that brought you closer to me gave me a glimpse of my future. The future, that is secure with you, now that I got rid of the ghosts of my past. You ran towards me. You ran into another mans' arms.

"Sou-chan!" You cried out. I see you grab and hold him tight. Never letting you go, he kisses you. He kisses you, as if there is nothing else he can do, to stop your tears. And In his arms, your tears did stop. He makes you smile. He can always do that, but I? What do I give you? My gifts are only salty tears.

I stand there, in disbelief. How can this be happening to me? It is, as if everything stands still. I am always too late. I am too late to change things, too late to do anything.

Misao, dear Misao what happened?Why did I ever hope, that things will remain the same? How could I ever hope, that you would wait for a man who is hiding from his demons? I turn around trying to keep my rising emotions to myself.

"Aoshi-sama." 

Upon hearing my name on your sweet lips, I stop, but I don't turn around and face you. I can't face you. I know if I do, I might do something that I will regret.

"Aoshi-sama?" You say again. This time, I can't hold it in anymore. I am so confused. Everything is running together in my mind. "Why Misao? Why couldn't you have waited for me?!" I say, in calm voice that is so different from the turmoil screaming in me, the rage of despair that is festering in my soul.

I stand in front of you, watching the way you lightly put your hand in his, knowing that it will never be my hands, my lips or my heated embrace. Your other hand is on my shoulder and you say, "Please, Aoshi-sama, please understand."

"Understand? Understand what, Misao? What is there to understand?" I ask. 

All I want is for things to remain the same, but I know inside me. Yes, inside me a million voices are screaming. Things will never be the same! What happened? What went wrong? Am I so unworthy of your love that you would rather stay with that smiling lunatic?

I am so confused and tired.I want to tell you everything. Everything, I'm feeling, smelling and seeing for the 1st time, but I didn't. I have my pride and honor. It is the only thing I can rely on, now. It is the only constant thing in my life. It is the only thing that will help me survive and no matter how much I want to tell you to come back and stay in my arms where things could stay the same. I didn't, because things can't stay the same and no matter how much, I want to tell you to love me, just me. I can't. All I can do is stare at her, with my straight face. And my silence, which is more damning than anything else that I can do or say.

When you realized that nothing you can do could change my mind, your hand drops in anger. N0!!! Leave your hand there. Give me a few more seconds to dream, to remember how this feels like, before I walk out of your life. And even though tears fell from your eyes, you coldly say, "Aoshi-sama! You're so SELFISH! All you care about is your stupid honor! You never think about the people who care about you! You reject them; each time, driving them farther and farther from you, because all you care about is your pride. That and revenge! Revenge, for our fallen friends. You say, you do it for honor and pride, but look at your own actions! That unquenchable thirst for revenge and bloodshed that eats your soul is not for them, but FOR YOU!!! So go to bed with your pride, because you'll never have honor and LOVE!" Misao kept quiet after her burst of anger, she didn't have to say anything else for each word she said was like a twist of a knife. A clean-cut, making it's most serious damages, inside.She continues in a somewhat calmer voice, "Aoshi-sama, I can't wait for you, forever. Don't I deserve to feel love too? I have tried to be there for you, but I have to think about me for a change. Don't I? Don't I deserve a man who has enough courage to admit he loves me? That he needs me?A man who is there to comfort me, takes care of me, not let revenge or honor or even pride stand in his way. I can't wait anymore." When you finished, Souijiro hold your hand, silently giving you comfort and strength. I can see him whisper in to your ear. I can't stand it anymore. I turn around and walk away like the man I am, all alone filled with hate. I am just frightened and so afraid.

All I can see is the picture of you in my mind, you holding on to him… One thought became clear. He has to die. I have to end this eternity of pain. It has to end. Making that decision I stand up and enter the house.

The sun is setting and the light is slowly fading away in the horizon. I don't know how long I stood here, outside watching… thinking… plotting. Misao, he stole you from me. He is responsible for this pain that refuses to escape me. Then, something in my mind snaps, letting the demon inside me loose. Maybe, It's because I am tired of running or maybe I finally see the truth?. I DON'T KNOW!

All I know is that, I am now in his room, Misao. In the room of the man you love. He is sleeping there, in front of me. His back's turned away from me. He looks so peaceful. Let see how peaceful he'll be with my kodachi imbedded in his face! He' going to die Misao. He's going to pay for taking you away from me. Will you return to me, when he is gone? He has to go… Look, Misao both of my hands are raised, holding a single kodachi pointing downwards. Downwards, on you're dear Souijiro.Downwards, on the man that destroyed my life!I clench my fists tight, gathering the strength needed to kill again.The strength to break all the promises I made. The promises I made to you and myself. I can't control anymore, the intense emotions inside me. Using both hands and all my strength I rammed my Kodachi into his heart, instantly killing him Suddenly, a cry fills the night shattering the silence. I shut my eyes against the horrible sound, trying to keep myself calm, but the pain still echoed in my mind reaching into my soul, unlocking it's memories. 

"Aoshi…" I turn around to see who spoke to me… There's no one. 

A voice suddenly said, "AOSHI!"

"Okasan????? OKASAN??? Is that you?" I asked searching if the voice was indeed my mother. Another voice, deeper said, "Run! Run Aoshi!"

"Onisan??? Where are you?" I said looking for him in the smoke that suddenly surrounded the room. Yet another voice said, "Hide Aoshi!" 

"Otosan? Otosan?I can't get to you! I can't see you! Get out!" I said. It all replayed in my mind.

Insert parents fire scene

Then the room changes and so does the voices. They become my friends' screams and wails.

Insert scene – Oniwabanshu

Then a long, piercing scream echoes in my mind. 

Misao is that you?

"MISAO! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream in horror. I finally realize the despicable deed I just did. I've taken another life. I fell to my knees, both hands covering my ears, trying to shut everything out. Suddenly, the screams stopped. I open my eyes, and I immediately see Misao lying on the floor. She collapsed from the shock.

"Misao, Misao? Are you okay?" I asked gathering her into my arms. She refused to move. I just held on to her. Tears were spilling from the corners of her eyes and she was breathing deeply. It was like she is dying (*4Add) I can't believe that I did that to her.

I am just so confused.

Trapped

Weakened

Defeated.

Nowhere else to go, and nothing left to hold onto. I succumb to my destiny and my own death. "Misao," I whisper as I wipe the tears from your eyes. You being in my arms quieted the demons that threatened to posses me. Laying you on the bed, I look into your eyes. They were empty, no emotion flickered in your eyes, and it was almost like you were dead. All you did is stare at me. I look away, because the guilt's eating me up. 

I have to get out. I have to leave this room I can't stay here. Everything is confusing me. I ran out. I ran out into the dark woods that only showed a glimpse of the sunrise to come. I ran with all my strength hiding behind the pain and exhaustion. For without it, each tick of the clock brings a memory, a sad memory and a heavy heart.

I look up and see myself on the cliff, the same cliff that you were standing on. The sun is rising and I, who usually stops and enjoys its splendor, could only think that it is another day. A day that was once filled with hope became a brutal reminder of harsh betrayal, my betrayal. I don't know how long, I stood there, trying to justify his death, when I know that there is nothing in this world that will justify my murder of Soujiro.

I turn around, to see you standing there behind me. You were wearing the same kimono, which was now blood stained, you're looking down, and I can't see your hands, because they are hidden.

"Misao?" I asked, trying to determine your mood. 

You lifted your head and said, "Good morning, Aoshi-sama!" before I knew what happened, Soujiro's Katana, which was hidden at your back went through my body, piercing my heart. Unlike Soujiro's quick death this is going to be a slow, painful death. My hands are holding the wound, desperately trying to stop the pain. 

I know, that this is the last time I'll look into your eyes, and what I see, scares me more than your empty eyes. Your eyes were a reflection of mine. The hate, the need for revenge is there. You are embracing my world. The world, I tried to warn you against. The world I'm forcing you to take.

As I take my last breath, I can see the person you'll become, Misao. You'll be like me, betrayed, destroyed, filed with hate and the need to avenge your honor, to revenge the deaths of others. You'll be just waiting to die, all alone. No one to help you or fight for you. I condemned you to my fate. But looking into your face pass the burning anger in your eyes, I can see a glimmer of Soujiro's smile. His crazy smile that opened your soul. So maybe there is still hope. .. Maybe with him inside you you'll have a different path and death…

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That's it!! How do you guys like it? Well do you guys prefer this or the first 1???? Well, please don't forget to comment!!!!!!!!!!My email is kaisha_13@yahoo.com

   [1]: mailto:Kaisha_13@yahoo.com



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